Our kids: self-confident or fearful of failure?

I've been struggling with how to encourage my second-grader to try harder even when the task seems impossible. He is gifted in so many ways and because of the praise heaped on him from so many corners, seems to have an abundance of self-confidence. But he becomes almost paralyzed with fear when something requires significant effort. This fear is visible whether he's putting together a Lego set with an unusually large amount of pieces or working on a school project. His fear of failure is palpable doing those times, even as we seek to soothe him by telling him he is likely to succeed and in the event of failure, learned something that will make success more likely the next time. The whole if at first you don't succeed, try try again mantra.

I saw this article in Education Week, a newspaper devoted to education issues. It has me wondering. If we do our jobs as parents right, our kids will have more successful moments than not. But does that make them fear the prospect of fear to the point of avoiding risky efforts, such as areas they aren't strong in? How do we balance praise, the need to instill self-confidence with the reality that they will struggle at some things? So many adults play it safe, not venturing into areas that will require considerable risk, is this something our children learn from us? Is there anything wrong with that?

Kidney stones, middle fingers and 2nd grade angst

Is it just me or does the news publish a threat to our children every day. Today, it was this story in the New York Times about the growing number of children diagnosed with kidney stones. Typically the province of the elderly, kidney stones are a pain not to be wished on anyone. Hold your thoughts while I get up for a glass of water.

Back. Unlike a growing number of people, I can't ignore the news. It would be like ignoring the elephant trampling through my living room. I try to pick and choose but nothing creates a magnetic pull on my eyes like stories about children. Whether its awful things happening to some poor child, like actress Jennifer Hudson's family, including a 7-year-old nephew, found shot to death. And don't let me turn to the international section where stories on Darfur and other horrors await. ..

Lighter moment: racing into the city this am to get my son to school on time (always an iffy proposition for us) and myself to work, I noticed a friendly-looking burgundy Toyota Prius race by in the slower lane, jet over just a hair ahead of the car in front of me and take the next few miles of curves like it was the Indy 500. Now we're off the highway and in the city and the same car zooms up behind me, swerves into the next lane, passes me and other cars and zooms back in our lane narrowly missing behind rear-ended. The drivers' response to the honking horns was a middle finger stuck out of the window, raised high. Here's the funny part: I get to my son's school and guess what car was parked crookedly in front: the Prius! A kindly but hurried looking man opened the door for one of my son's classmates, pushed him toward the building, suddenly grabbed him back, shoved a lunch bag into his hand and then pushed him forward again. No words were exchanged btwn the two. Some days I guess we're too busy to use our words, or give our kids the drop off they deserve.

Lastly, second grade angst. I'm desperate to hear how you're dealing with heightened academic expectations in school and a child that just wants to chill. Homework in second grade is just plain wicked. It also seems our teacher puts a lot more emphasis on student's behavior than their intellectual abilities. When asked how a student's day was, she's more apt to talk about behavior than classwork. Yes, children must learn how to behave in school, a place much different than home. But it is a process, not something they instinctively know when they arrive for kindergarten, right? Behavioral ups and downs that fall within the norm should be expected. I'm more interested in academic ups and downs which could be signs of serious problems. Looking for perspective here.

A good death

It takes no small amount of money and fearlessness but one can control their death down to the final moments. The New York Times recently featured a woman who lived out her final months at the Hotel Carlyle, taking walks around Central Park and lingering at the piano bar in the evenings. 

A much better exit from this life than that granted to Oscar winning actress Jennifer Hudson's mother and brother. That story is unfolding but it appears to be the same old bs that made some of us leave home and never look back.